Okay, I hear ya, settle down. I know I’ve been a bad girl and haven’t been posting any new stories lately. What can I say, I took a bit of a holiday. Not a holiday as in I left the city and went somewhere exciting with a beach and sand or leaning towers or pyramids, but a holiday as in I shut off my mind and creative juices. I just sat around staring at the walls wondering if I could actually watch paint fade. Not dry, but fade. We painted a few years ago so I wouldn’t have any fresh paint to watch dry but sitting in the living room with the blinds open and the sun shining in through on our walls I could maybe watch the paint fade. But after a few days of that with no apparent fading I realized something that kind of threw a kink into the plan. When we had our windows put in they used this glass that keeps the bad rays, or whatever, out so that our furniture won’t fade. I’m assuming that if the furniture won’t fade the paint probably won’t either.
Now I didn’t have anything to do with my time!! I spent about a week trying to figure out what I should do now while taking my brain holiday. Then it hit me. I decided that I hadn’t familiarized myself with every inch of our bed. Have you ever thought about that? You usually sleep in pretty much the same general area on your bed but you don’t usually seem to park your butt at the head of your bed. It took a little bit of stretching first to limber up but I did manage it. It did prove to be a little uncomfortable and that caused me to have an aching back so I decided I should sleep it off. The next day I decided I should flip the mattress and see what it was like at the foot of the bed on the under side. That was time consuming and took a lot of energy so I decided that I should maybe sleep it off. A couple of days into this I had a bloody ingenious idea. I decided to be a rebel and I took the mattress cover OFF!! I put the sheets back on, protective cover off, and had a nap. Woah dudes…………… that was really living on the wild side for me. Granted, I did have a teansy bit of a nightmare during that nap that involved bed bugs, old fart germs and a light dusting of dead skin cell dust. The important thing to note here is that when waking up in a cold sweat from the nightmare and needing to launder the sweaty bedding I was already ahead of the game since the mattress cover was already off!!
That whole exploring every inch of the bed thing got old and I sat down today and decided to share what was on my mind. I have a friend that lives about three and a half hours away that I don’t get to see much at all. She was here in late spring visiting family and we were able to sneak in a quick visit at a park close to my house. Before that we hadn’t seen each other for almost five and a half years!! And before that it had been probably close to ten years! She’s a very busy stay at home Mom with three children that she home schools, she’s always running around to their numerous extra curricular activities, she has two dogs, and a husband. Truthfully, I think her husband is the biggest handful. I’ve known him and have been influenced by him since grade eight and I have had plenty of therapy sessions to back that up. Ha ha, just kidding. Or not.
So, anyways, I decided that my friend needs to be cloned. Yup. Cloned. That way she can be at home taking care of her family and be visiting me as well, all at the same time! I would hate to take her away from her family but I DO want to see her, so by cloning her I wouldn’t have to be a selfish friend and demand that she spends time with me and ditch her family. I’m so smart!! Right?
I suppose I would be somewhat selfish and insist on the real person showing up and not some knock off clone. I wonder if I could tell the difference between the real one and a clone? I would have to have a trick question that only the real friend would know and a clone couldn’t have figured out the answer even with all the research in the world. Huhn, I’ll have to think about that. I had better get on that tonight just in case her cloning happens over night and in the morning I open my door and find my friend, or possibly her clone, standing at my front door begging to come in and I need to figure out if it’s the real deal I’m looking at or the fake. How thorough do you think a clone maker would be? Do you think they would teach them to have the real person’s same hobbies and interests or would they just make them half assed, just enough to carry out the every day regular stuff? If not, that could be something I could use to determine who’s in front of me. If it’s really my friend I could expect her to play some Mozart on the flute and if it’s her clone I might only get a few little tweets on a kazoo. Not the same, trust me. I do wonder how well a clone would be programmed before leave the cloning factory. I wonder if her husband and the kids would be able to tell the real person from a clone? Hhhmmmm…. I personally think that as long as a clone feeds the family and pets, changes diapers when needed, gives out the daily quota of hugs and nags the husband as per usual they could go undetected for at least five days. If you however have a well, um, how can I put this nicely? Forget it, I can’t be nice. If you’re family appears to have left a village wondering where their idiots went then you might be safe for up to two weeks! If you have a smart bunch and want to dumb them up enough to get away with the whole clone thing you could pump glue fumes through the vents in your house when you’re out getting groceries, every day for three weeks, and then you should be good to go!! Gosh, I’m such a good problem solver!
Uh oh, new issue. What if I open my door and find my friend, or what looks like my friend, standing there and once I have quizzed her I find out that it’s actually the clone? I can’t exactly call the real person and tell her that her clone is at my house just in case she doesn’t know that I’ve ordered the clone. She may think I stepped over the line in this friendship. And even if she does know about the clone and I call and get the answering machine I can’t exactly leave a message in case her husband or her kids hear it. “Hi! It’s me. Ummmm …. You’re there and not here and what I have here is you but not you and I want to know how to get the you that’s not you to you and get the you that really is you to me and leave the you that isn’t you with your family without them noticing that the you that is you has left and the you that isn’t you is there.” I’m not sure, but I think that may sound just a little suspicious. I guess I might have to do a little prep work for this and get a disposable cell phone for my friend, the real one and not the clone, just in case such an incident should arise. Yah, that just might work.
I really think I can make this whole cloning thing happen. I’m just too darn brilliant for my own good. Wow! I’m so relieved to know that there isn’t a village somewhere around the world wondering where this idiot is! Hey, did I just insult myself?
Recently:
- Under The Influence Of Underwear
- Passion For Pens
- The Plots Thicken
- Condoning Cloning
- Nacho Neurosis
- BEAVERS
- I Don’t Live On Sesame Street People!!
- Being Thrifty Is Bad For My Health!!
- Neurotic Beer
- We’re Not AB-Normal!!
